There’s much to be said for versatility and Jeff has it in spades. He came here fifteen years ago claiming he could do anything and the truth has borne him out. He can’t do anything for long but he can, if fact, do anything. Right now it’s summer and Jeff has become, with the same indefatigable focus and energy he’s brought to every short lived undertaking, a Marketing Consultant. The impetus for this fleeting interest took root as Jeff was leafing through an issue of Modern Bride, a shameless and weighty publication that caters to the astonishing needs of prospective brides in and around New York City with so much glitz that it makes Vogue look like Popular Mechanics. Someone had left it over at the motel and I, in turn, deposited it at the Hardware Store for the enlightenment of the little group of men who gather there each day.
Jeff recognized that Vinalhaven has, in recent years, become a popular spot for couples whose idea of the perfect wedding is a little less grandiose than those touted in Modern Bride but he was also quick enough to acknowledge the undeniable appeal of certain goods and services such as those offered in the magazine under the heading “That special Touch that will make Your Wedding Day Even More Memorable.” The opportunity to cash in on this lucrative market by modifying such nuptial amenities to more closely reflect island values illuminated itself to him with the same clarity that accompanied his idea last summer having to with the aforementioned little knot of Hardware Store curmudgeons. His idea was to transform these fellows, who contrast so well with the annoyingly cheerful greeter at Wal-Mart, into Personal Shoppers for the summer people.
In April Jeff pitched his idea of transforming Vinalhaven in a Mecca for island weddings to the Chamber of Commerce meeting. The fact that his presentation was delayed until after Happy Hour, dinner (and drinks) and the regular business meeting helped grease the ways, as it were. By the first of May, his considerable advance in hand, Jeff was pushing for involvement in a Gift Registry so hard and regular at the door of each Chamber member that he might as well have been in labor.
One of the most singularly striking services offered in the “Special Touch” section was the Dove Release. Several companies offer this service whereby, through a sliding hatch in the top of a truck, they release, at a moment of significance, a bevy, for tens of thousands of dollars, or a covey, for a few thousand dollars, of doves, each trailing a ribbon (color to be chosen by the bride).
As it happens seagulls routinely get themselves momentarily trapped and confused within the fenced-in confines of the motel decks and it didn’t take Jeff long to make the imaginative transition. He tied up a handful of gulls, each with pot warp, and quickly perfected the desired effect with the release of a sheepshank around each leg. He’d had a novelty shop make up some little yellow Sou’westers and fastened one loosely to each gull’s head with one of those little elastics girls use in their hair. Thus attired, they made quite a jaunty little covey and held forth the promise of a fine nuptial accompaniment. As for picking the moment, well, this is a motel after all. A moment of significance could certainly be agreed upon; determining its precise occurrence from a remote location was another matter and, we discovered while practicing, the term “bird release” took on a much broader meaning if the gulls were confined and required to keep their hats on for very long.
We anticipate a busy and profitable wedding season.
– Phil Crossman
Vinalhaven