Ticket agents at Maine state ferry terminals are a patient bunch, answering simple questions about schedules that require only a routine response. Some questions, however, invite multiple responses or are so open-ended that there’s a temptation to bark a short-tempered retort. More often than not, though, an agent will respond to an unusual or unexpected question not with anger but with wide-eyed incredulity. Below are some questions that were asked agents at the Lincolnville and Islesboro ferry terminals. Agents are convinced that all questions were asked with complete sincerity, including the one about Hawaii. Some questions are asked regularly and no longer raise an eyebrow, but others are unique. The following questions are real but the answers – except for the one about bread – are fabricated.
“Will the boat run all day?”
“It stops to let the cars off.”
“Is there gambling on the boat?”
“Any trip on that bucket is a gamble.”
“Is there water over on Islesboro?”
“Are there trees on Islesboro?”
“Are there people on Islesboro?”
“How do you pronounce Islesboro?”
“Can you get bread on Islesboro?”
“I suppose you can get bred right on the ferry.”
“Is there a restaurant on the boat?”
“Yes. Would you like to buy a ticket to reserve seating at the ‘Clambake-on-the-Foredeck?'”
“If I come down now will I get on?”
“If the ferry doesn’t leave before you get here.”
“How many cars are in line?”
“I’ll go count. Please hold.”
“How many cars will there be on the 3:00 boat?”
“Is this a game?”
“Is this Rockland?”
“No. This is Lincolnville Beach. Rockland is in Belfast.”
The line was too long:
“I didn’t make it on the ferry. Can I use this ticket on the next one?”
“No. You’ll have to buy another one.”
The line was too long:
“Did you know I wouldn’t get on the ferry when you sold me this ticket?”
“Can I upgrade my ticket to first class?”
“How do you get from California to Islesboro?”
“When they say that there’s no fishing off the ferry dock, what do they mean?”
“When does the ferry leave for Hawaii?”
“Do you know which coast we’re on?”
“Does this ferry go to Canada?”
“No. It’s the service to Hawaii.”
– Randy Purinton